Welcome everyone! I’m glad you’re here. Over the past 10 years, I’ve journeyed through many lives. 2016 experienced me as a wide-eyed apolitical, evangelical who longed to see every nation, tribe, and tongue profess Jesus to be their Savior (read: I wanted to be a missionary). 10 years later, I walk through the world as a deconstructed, queer, transmasculine individual who is wandering in the wilderness, trying to put language and meaning to both my past and present.

I’ve lost and I’ve gained. I’ve shed old identities and put on new ones. I’ve left the comfort of old communities and walked into cozy, yet unfamiliar ones. I’ve traded certainty for the unknown.

For many years, I was presented with a neatly paved road pointed towards an incredibly specific destination. These days, however, I find myself traversing through an unexplored forest, making intuitive guesses as to whether I should turn right or left. I handed back the dream of the husband, kids, house, and church (read: The American Dream) to ask questions I’d never thought to ask before, like, “Do I even want children?” and “What are my deep-held beliefs about the institution of marriage?” I walked away from the ease of built-in social circles by way of Bible study groups and Sunday services to begin at square one in the friendships department.

Long story short, for most of the years in which I’ve been alive, I’ve possessed a map. A map that was handed to me by the evangelical institution in which I found myself immersed. It often resided in my subconscious, but it was present nonetheless.

That map told me who to be. How to dress. How to speak. Who to answer to. Who to trust. Who not to trust. Who was holy and who was evil. Who was “in” and who was “out.” Who deserved heaven and who didn’t. Who embodied Divinity and who was forever cursed. It told me to be untrusting of my Body and that my Body would lead me towards darkness. That God can only be understood through the lens of a specific Book, but not within nature, ourselves, on the dance floor, or intertwined within the arms of a lover.

These last four years or so have been spent taking steps forward. Baby steps, might I add. Often in the dark and often feeling like I’ve lost my way until I bring myself back to this one truth:

There is no one correct path in life.

The second I was able to absorb that into my psyche, the more courage I had to finally light a match and set that map ablaze. I traded the direction of the map for the compass of the Divinity within. I dared to pick up a pen and create a life that would be adventurous, conducive to my becoming, full of mystery, filled with hope, and expansive enough to honor the versions of me that have been, are present, and that are yet to be.

In the brief 28 years I’ve been on planet Earth, I have come to realize that there is no ressurection with a death. No joy apart from grief. No wholeness without pain. No fulfillment without loss. No mountaintop without the valley.

This space is meant to hold room for it all.

For myself, yes. And for my Story, yes.

But for you, your Story, and your journey as well.

My wish, in this little corner of the interwebs, is for all of us to feel a little less alone and a little more held. There’s no need to do life on hard mode when we have each other.

Selah <3